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October 27, 2009
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Canadian eh?

Journal Entry: Tue Oct 27, 2009, 1:39 PM


Rebecca's Journal


For those not in the know the following, starting with British Columbia aka BC, are the 10 Canadian provinces


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA
1. Vancouver : 1.5 million people and two bridges. You do the math.
2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown.
3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
4. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.
5. Really good WEED.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA
1. Big rock between you and B.C.
2. Ottawa who?
3. Tax is 5% instead of the approximately 200% in the rest of Canada.    
4. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of.
5. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be its own Country.
6. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN
1. You never run out of wheat.
2. Your province is really easy to draw.
3. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours.
4. People will assume you live on a farm.
5. Daylight savings time? Who the hell needs that!


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA
1. You wake up one morning to find that you have a beachfront property.
2. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.
3. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.
4. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.
5. You can pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO
1. You live in the centre of the universe.
2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.
4. The only province with hard-core American-style crime.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC
1. Racism is socially acceptable.
2. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour will move out next.
3. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada .
4. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo A*#!%!"


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK
1. One way or another, the government gets 98% of your income.
2. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.
3. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick .
4. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA
1. Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can't, think they can.
2. You can pretend to have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get drunk and
   wear a kilt.
3. You are the only reason Anne Murray makes money.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND
1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island, you still got the big new bridge.
2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.
3. You can drive across the province in two minutes.
4. Everyone has been an extra on "Road to Avonlea."
5. This is where all those tiny, red potatoes come from.
6. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night.


TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND
1. If Quebec separates, you will float off to sea.
2. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.
3. The workday is about two hours long.
4. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to your wedding.


Ideas are needed for reasons to live in any of the three Territories



More Canadian Humour....


The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart..


10° Celsius (50° Fahrenheit)
• Californians shiver uncontrollably.
• Canadians plant gardens.


1.6°Celsius (35° Fahrenheit)
• Italian Cars won't start
• Canadians drive with the windows down


0°Celsius (32° Fahrenheit)
• American water freezes
• Canadian water gets thicker.


-17.9° Celsius (0° Fahrenheit) -
• New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
• Canadians have the last cookout of the season.


-51° Celsius (-60° Fahrenheit)
• Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
• Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.


-78.5° Celsius (-109.9° Fahrenheit)
• Carbon dioxide freezes makes dry ice.
• Canadians pull down their earflaps.


-114° Celsius (-173° Fahrenheit)
• Ethyl alcohol freezes.
• Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg


-273.15° Celsius (-459.67° Fahrenheit)
• Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
• Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"


-295° Celsius (-500° Fahrenheit)
• Hell freezes over.
• The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup





Features unchanged






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Clubs

:iconcanada-club::iconcityscapes-club::iconscapes-club::iconwaterscapes-club: :iconhdr-club::iconskyandnatureclub::iconfall-leaves-club::iconphotographic-club::iconnatures-beauty-club::icontreeswithcharacter::iconphotographersclub::iconfour-seasons::iconmountainshots::iconnaturpics-club::iconsunsets::iconthecanadianherald::iconnature-nuts::iconthe-canon-club:


  


  • Mood: Neutral
  • Listening to: Thunder
  • Reading: Jodi Picoult
  • Watching: The rain
  • Playing: Too old to play
  • Eating: Too much junk
  • Drinking: diet anything
Add a Comment:
 
:iconbanananut:
Hehehehe this is super cute
Reply
:iconswitch-sgfx:
~switch-sgfx Nov 2, 2009   Photographer
Only just got to reading this... I'm not Canadian but I still found it highly amusing! Thanks for sharing. ;)
Reply
:iconrebacan:
There is likely an English version around using the Counties or Shires or whatever they're called although I must admit I haven't seen one. I can just see it now. Top reasons for living in Yorkshire..... :)
Reply
:iconnebey:
*Nebey Oct 30, 2009  Hobbyist Photographer
Good one, I liked it.
Reply
:iconsparkica:
:D :D :D A friend of mine xanadu65 told me about this journal of yours... and I must say, I'm thrilled! :D Haven't read something so hilarious for a while :D You are a great example that people (of any nation) should not take themselves too serious. :D
Reply
:iconrebacan:
I like to think that Canadians have absorbed the best from all of the nationalities that have settled here over the past 400 years, and that includes humour and humility.:D Of course, in reality, we are no better or worse than most nations who are lucky enough to have our advantages.
Reply
:iconcristian-m:
Thanks, Rebecca! I needed this journal! :D
I've been away from Toronto for five years...
I'm also a honorary Newfie, with a diploma to prove it!
Reply
:iconrebacan:
Happy to be of service. :D
Reply
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